Home Sweet Home

Not only does my whole house, inside and out, look like it could be plucked from a holiday card, it feels just the same way. Love exudes from every inch! You would not believe all of the little elves that have been busy cleaning, decorating, organizing, cooking, and designing, all while keeping my children squeaky clean and ready to see their mama.

It is all so overwhelming. I feel as though I could burst with love and gratitude. So, because I do not know how I can ever express enough thanks, I enjoy and marvel in the goodness of all of you. You make me strive to be more and do more; thank you.

HOME! It was a bit chaotic walking in the door, as the kids were so eager to show me all of the Christmas decorations, I was more eager to kiss their sweet faces, but was also trying not to throw up and topple over. There weren't many pictures taken; you can't believe what an inconvenient and child friendly spot my port is positioned, just perfect for every bump and tug, but don't you worry, we figured out the squeezing and kissing :)

I am still on HCI time, because it's 4 am and I am wide awake. Vital time. I can't decide if that's it, and i'm used to being woken up so much, or if it's easier to keep my mind off of the nausea by writing...probably both. The amazing thing is that I can already tell a huge difference as far as "too-ma" goes! I have not coughed, wheezed, or felt any pinching since that first bag of chemo went in me! 'Melts like Butta.' Isn't that cool?! I know I appreciate it. Sleeping while laying down really does have it's perks ;)

So, the plan now is to spend the next 18 days home with my kids and my family, while also taking lots of pills, going to Huntsman twice a week for blood work, and trying to stay as healthy as possible. Now that all of this chemo is in me, It will really start to take effect and in a couple of days, my white blood cell count will drop and i'll feel pretty crummy. That will last for a week and a half, then it's back to HCI for cycle #2. Though it won't be fun, I do feel very lucky to constantly be watched over and monitored while i'm up there. They are amazing people.

I am very lucky. The Lord has, and continues to bless me with more than I deserve. He is real. He knows me and He know all that you are doing to help me. I know all you're doing to help me, no I can't see it all, or know you all, but I feel it. I believe in Christlike love. If we each took an extra second to look up and give a smile, thank the grocery clerk, compliment the woman in the bright scarf, and give a little more every hour, we will feel Christ's love for us and we will be amazed that it is everywhere.

Thank you for your examples of Christlike love to me, you give me such strength. I love you.

My Son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes. Thy friends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

D&C 121: 7-9

Xoxo Jen