So Many Tears
You can never know how you will feel or react when something life changing comes your way, I can tell you, that I would never have guessed that this is how I would be feeling after hearing that I have cancer.
There have been so many tears shed. Not tears of sadness, anger, questioning, or doubt, but tears of gratitude, meekness, love and hope.
I will never be able to find the words to express my most sincere gratitude for all of the love and support I am receiving. I am completely overwhelmed by the outpouring of kindness. When I cry, it is because I feel so lucky and blessed to know so many good people. I feel your prayers so strongly, and because of them, I have felt peace.
Tonight I told some loved ones, "I do not feel like this is a trial. I feel like Heavenly Father is showing me how much He loves me."
I want everyone to know...
I know that my Heavenly Father and His son, Jesus Christ, live. I know that They know me. They know my heart, my fears, and what this trial can do for me and everyone around me.
After hearing this shocking news, Thursday afternoon, things were kind of crazy around my house. That evening, in the silence of my room, I was alone. Just me and my big news. I knelt by my bed, and started praying to my Heavenly Father. I thanked Him. I thanked Him for sending me this trial. I told Him that I was grateful that He gave me this opportunity to be refined, and to become the person He knows I can be. I asked Him to help me learn what I needed to through this and to be a light to others. But, what I pleaded for, what I really want, is for everyone around me to get to know Him more, to want to turn to Him, to feel of His love for them, to recognize His hand in their lives, through my example and my experience. I pray I can be that for all of you.
Please know, though this will not be "fun", I know it will be worth it. I am strong. I am happy. I am so blessed.