You Never Know
Updated: Feb 20, 2018
It has been so nice to be home! I ended up staying in the hospital for 3 days. They tested me for the flu, and strep, but those both came back negative. So I must have just caught a random virus that took me out. I am feeling so much better and am trying to live up these last few days before round 2.
It is crazy to think that i'm already on round 2 of chemo. Time has gone by surprisingly fast, in some ways. I'm hoping this round will go a little smoother (especially since i'll be getting home right before Christmas), now that I know what to expect. That has been part of the challenge... the unknown. When I got so sick and was home suffering for two days, Jake said to me, "Stop trying to be tough." I remember thinking, 'I'm not trying to be tough, i'm just confused at what i'm supposed to be feeling.' How bad is a bad day? How yucky do you feel when you feel yucky? Thankfully, I am learning, and I have learned that I definitely shouldn't feel pain. My doctors told me to call any time something changes or if anything is bothering me, and they can help me to be comfortable.
Let's talk about my hair! (or the lack of ;)) The last few days my head had been so sore! Just touching my hair hurt. Hair started showing up all over my pillow and in my bathroom sink. I tried pulling on it and was shocked when I could pull out huge chunks and not feel a thing! I showed my family and friends my new "trick," and their reaction was disgust and shock! I could tell that they wanted to cry, but I was laughing so hard I think they ended up not knowing how to react. How evil am I?!, teasing my family like that for my entertainment. ha. Well by the second day, I was so uncomfortable, I just wanted it gone! Jake pulled out his clippers and it was time. Before we started, we had a competition to see who could pull out the biggest chunk of hair. That game didn't last long. Through his gagging and laughing, Jake pulled out a pathetic amount of hair. When it was my turn, he nearly barfed. My chunk was 20x what he had pulled haha. You should see the bald spots on my head. I got a little carried away with my teasing, and it looks like there's a map on my scalp. Oh well, not for long.
The evolution of my hair...
*Cancer in the front, party in the back
*After! Ahhh, you have no idea how much better it feels! No more sore head.
Calling all Moms! I found the perfect Mom hair! Seriously, it's amazing. Why don't more people buzz their head? I just might keep it this way :)
I was worried how my kids would react when they saw me this morning. We have talked about it a lot, so I hoped that would help. I also think chopping it off and going purple was a good transition to "mom having silly hair." They all had the same reaction. A huge smile and their arm reaching out, wanting to touch it. Birdie just laughed and the boys both laughed and said, "You have boy hair like me!" Hahaha, I love them! They are the most resilient, strong, and sweet little things you will ever meet. I am so proud of them.
You know, I thought that maybe I'd feel sad once my hair was gone, because I'd look in the mirror and see a sick person. But that's not what I felt. I felt strong, beautiful, and determined. I have you guys to thank for that. You will never know how much strength I receive from your words of encouragement. This burden is being made light because of you.
When I first heard my news of cancer, It was very surreal. I remember going on a date with Jake and feeling so weird. It felt weird walking around with such big news, and no one else knowing. I felt like I was keeping a secret from everyone. Jake and I both agreed. Well now I feel weird because when I go out, the whole world knows my trial. They look at me and instantly know my hardship. I can't decide which one bothers me more.
What this has taught me, and those around me, is that you need to be kind to EVERYONE. ALWAYS. We have no idea what people are going through. And with the way that life works, everyone is working through some sort of trial. I am blessed. Because now when I am out and about, no hair, mask and all, I get a lot of looks. I get a lot of looks of love, concern, and encouragement. All from people I don't know. Though it is different, having everyone able to see what i'm going through, it's also a blessing. I feel sad for those who are suffering in silence. For those around us who are fighting battles alone. I pray for them, and want them to know that our Heavenly Father is with them.
Though I don't know what people around me might be going through, I am even more determined to treat others with respect and kindness, because maybe I can be a light in their day or an answer to their prayer.
Thank you again for the love and support you've shown me. And let's unite and act on some of the best advice i've ever received,
"Be nice to someone new today."
-My Dad, Jeff Nemelka